Alfonso Azcaiturrieta

11:56pmAlfonso

so much. im not sure where to start

11:57pmAlfonso

haha

uhm.

well

graduating is probably the best thing that's happened to me so far

i got to finally get out of the calvary thing

and all that entails

11:59pmAlfonso

its so different. but i wouldnt have it any other way

Today

12:00amAlfonso

i learned that the christianity i had at calvary isnt really practical in the reality im living in now. i still believe in god and the bible and all that fundamental stuff

but i want to find something else

12:03amAlfonso

like the whole youth group bible study go to church on sunday hangout with the same people with similar taste and mindframe.. it just doesnt exist to me anymore. it worked during high school, but i feel like i need something else now. i still believe in god but definitely in a diff. way than i used to at cca

12:07amJennifer

interesting. i was never involved with a youth group, etc. but i definitely appreciate the community that my fellowship here provides. it's definitely not good to get strictly caught up in the christian bubble, but i think you naturally gravitate towards people w/ similar tastes & mindsets -- not to say i don't spend any time w/ others, but the people i'm more intimate w/ are other believers

12:07amAlfonso

yeah

12:09amAlfonso

for some reason, i feel more intimate with people that dont believe. like there's a certain realness that i can relate more to. like if im going through something, i feel like at cca they would bombard me with verses and theology but sometimes i just want to sit there and feel

and relfect

not try to rationalize everything to fit around god

reflect*

12:14amJennifer

i think that's more indicative of the CCA bubble, though, and not of the body of christ at large. i mean, i'm intimate w/ my friends here in a way that i know they'll just sit and LISTEN. naturally, God will play a large part of many of our conversations, but in a sincere and not Bible thumping way. ideally, believers should be able to express love and care in a more sensitive way than unbelievers BECAUSE they have eternity on their minds, but i think many have just get too wrapped up in themselves & forget that Scripture isn't just there to THUMP.

12:16amAlfonso

yeah that makes sense. its just that im so tired of forcing myself of coming up with theories of why god did this or that. its like we mold everything to fit around the god theory. its like there's no room just for experience or chance

everything is already explained somehow

12:19amAlfonso

its like everything i do or anything that happens to me is explained by man's ruined condition or god's will for your life

12:21amJennifer

the church does need to stop defining things that God has left undefined for us/explaining things He's decided to left unexplained, although I don't believe in "chance" considering the larger scheme of God creating everything -- even trouble -- for it's purpose, you know? a lot of times, though, it's like we try to provide explanations for God where He has chosen NOT to explain. so far as why God did this or that, though, i know that even with reasoning put aside, i'd rather believe that calamity serves a purpose in my life rather than believing that things go crappy just by random happenstance.

12:22amAlfonso

do you think that sometimes things can be crappy just because they are? or does god mold your surroundings to make you feel that way?

12:23amJennifer

what do you mean 'mold your surroundings to make you feel that way'? elaborate...

12:27amAlfonso

like for example; ive always had problems because of my dad leaving and all that. and i have really serious anxiety problems, and i have been like actually clinically depressed at one point. does all that come together and make me feel the way i do while i reflect because god set it up that way or do i feel the way i do just because im looking at how things just are, not looking at the grand scheme of things or trying to rationalize why god allows that stuff

i messed up like twice in that paragraph, but i hope my message came through

12:29amAlfonso

i guess im just over hyper-spiritualizing everything

12:32amJennifer

no you're not; those are legit questions. here's how i see it, though. if God is not responsible for tragedy (i.e., your dad leaving, etc.) in your life, then those things happened for no reason & they're simply tragedies without any purpose. that God DOES allow tragedy means that it HAS meaning and purpose. it comes down to the extent of God's sovereignty; if you believe that God is ALTOGETHER sovereign over ALL things, then there's no such thing as "chance". biblically, i don't believe chance exists because even when lots are cast, we're told that IT'S every decision is made by God -- i.e,, God even determines "chance"...

12:34amJennifer

the next natural question to wrestle with and figure out, then, would be what the purpose of problems we encounter IS.

12:34amAlfonso

but dont some things just happen? when my dog dies, im not going to be like "god.. why? what are you trying to teach me"

12:35amAlfonso

im just going to accept it and not try to tie some higher purpose to it

12:38amJennifer

i don't think we need to tie some deep, philosophical meaning to every little thing that happens, but i believe everything we experience IS for a reason. even with pain you feel when your dog dies -- could it be that it's one way of demonstrating how unnatural death is? or recognition of the pain of separation? no, we're probably not going to tie every situation to "...because God ____", but our experiences shape WHO we are, and who we are works towards who we are in God. that isn't coincidental.

12:41amAlfonso

yeah. i guess this ties into the free will thing. if people have a free will, cant they hurt someone and that action will have been made completely by that persons own free will? then we would just be left to deal. does god orchestrate that or does the world just spin while god watches it and we can choose to follow him or not